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This page was cleared on 10/16/16 at 10:30:48 AM
Whew.... the next "meltdown" has begun. Actually it began Thursday or Friday, today is Monday November 21st. Am i panicing? Nah. Just trying to document the series of events the past few days, but it's tough because my memory is shot from getting so little sleep. Let's see...

Walked to high point today after not sleeping all night, no wait i did sleep for a little while, i remember one dream where i almost pulled a knife on someone i didn't like following me, but didn't. in my parent's house, walking through the library in pitch blackness from the hallway towards the stairs, knew this guy was right behind me following me, impulsively pulled my knife out from right pocket, but then didn't, put it back in my pocket. walked up to the top of the stairs, turned around looking down the stairs, he follows me up, big muscular guy. he holds me against the wall with one hand, pulls his other fist back and was about to punch me in the face, at which point i partially woke up (still in the dream) and realized holy shit, this reminds me of being in jail... i dont want to go back to jail....am i there now? no im not, im only dreaming, thank god... i noticed a video playing in the office, said to him hey look at that video, he turned around, saw the video, decided not to punch me, let me go...then i resumed dreaming unaware.

UNLIKE NOW, WHERE I AM FULLY AWARE IN REAL LIFE. Anyways.....went to high point, walked there this morning in the cold, playing ingress on my new smartphone, took over some portals on park ave....
fucking chelsey, poured her milk into my oatmeal. hottest girl there, by far. way hotter than sara. and i only have 3 more days to get her number until....i would have to go back to high point just to get one girl's phone number, because how much fucking time do i need for this simple task....wow.

talked to (brian)brain HAHAHA he's the "smart" kid...wow. just like the dog in family guy.....anyways... sitting to my right. shit, candice is pretty damn hot too, she sat across from me, chelsey was 2 seats to the left. she said she doesn't have her free phone yet, but i wonder if she has a number right now... should i keep in touch with these hot crazy girls? definitely.

flower room, discharge planning with crybaby, curt, clarice? 3 C's...
i actually made eye contact with crybaby, and we joked about not mixing driving, texting, and drinking. i actually had a dream with him in it a month ago, the same dream that made me realize how much i love and need to play more bass guitar. in that dream we were both laughing about something, and i looked at him, but he was looking away.

flower room again, bi-polar support. i've got to trust my instincts (311) i battled that fucking allison bitch about the DSM, mental illness, etc. she had the dsm and a laptop in front of her, trying to tell us about bi-polar 1 and 2, etc. it was a full on verbal battle for 40 minutes. i did get some good points in, and made the whole room laugh once or twice. clarice asked what is love? because she seems to be very sad, insecure, ugly, fat, annoying..... but look at me being a judgmental prick. i'm sure she's a beautiful person inside, like all (most? some? few? none?) of us. i then mentioned the song what is love, started whistling it. jock sitting to my right laughed. we talked about cures for sickness, hot water? or was that the other group? we also talked about how some women don't get 12 or 13 periods a year, they get less? 8? 6? 4? who the fuck knows? what is up with that?

sun room, mental illness support? traded some links and stuff with the black guy, AJ? sitting to my right. http://kixeye.com
hoverboards? that float, go up, down, all around? wow. follow your bliss. ignorance is bliss. ? but knowledge is power. bliss =/= power? i don't know if that math adds up.

lunch time with sara at lisa's. i once again explained to her how i am god, and real life is just a dream im having, and of course she called a lunatic. exactly what someone would do if i told that to them in a dream. but usually when you're dreaming, you don't know it.
BUT I FUCKING KNOW IT NOW. MUST NOT GO TO MENTAL HOSPITAL, JAIL, OR DEATH....endless road...wow, the song titles are...ahh yes...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a25rnRpCJ7I&index=6&list=PL7ZlSd0V4cB8Js3dtgDGWYqeoQCJmMHML
endless road? like a circle? where is the road going? it has no end? why would i want to drive down it? because maybe there's beautiful scenery. maybe i've got amazing people travelling with me. maybe it's all just A FUCKING DREAM. It is now my task to be filled (from god) with love, energy, and power, and share this with everyone. because unlike my dreams at night, which i can just wake up from instantly if i discover im dreaming, apparently it's much harder to do that from real life, maybe it's possible, who knows.... like that driving dream i had. i NEVER have driving dreams, because while i was a professional driver long ago, i learned to drive a car, you must be fully alert..... HEAVY SHIFT, MUSIC VIDEO ABOUT CARS.... wow! hahaha.
anyways, this has reflected into my dreams about driving. i used to have dreams about driving, but in the dream, i NOTICED i wasn't fully aware, and shook my head violently to "wake myself up", just like i used to do in real life when driving while sleep impaired, and i'd wake up back to my bed. eventually my brain realized i could not have any more driving dreams, for that reason. since then, when i have driving dreams, i am viewing the car from a bird's eye view behind it, watching it drive, yet i am "controlling" the car myself. when it goes around a blind curve, i can't see the car, and i get worried, im like shit, i can't see where i'm going, i try to look around the corner to see my car, and eventually i get there, and i can see where im going again. blind curves, when there is an obstacle blocking your sight that you are turning around...yeah.

DWI, driving dream with my dad driving a van...ENOUGH ABOUT DREAMS. One more, this was recent. I was driving .... ahh, more violent fantasies about punching certain people in the balls, fighting random people, etc... these kinds of "crazy thoughts" get you heavily medicated.... oh boy. good thing no one reads this.
anyways, driving towards rt 31 from george's place, sara in shotgun. i put a CD in my cd player, but wait a minute...MY CD PLAYER IS BROKEN....how can this be? hmm, thats strange, how did my CD player get fixed....oh well. right turn, driving south down rt 31... next thing i know, im in glen gardner. thats strange, how the hell did i just get to glen gardner? i was just driving south from clinton.... OH, IM DREAMING. stupid driving dream. BOOM. instantly woke myself up, just by thinking about it. i didn't crash or anything, i just decided i didn't like the fact that was some supreme being or god was teleporting me around at will, thinking i wouldn't notice. or maybe i'm missing the point entirely.

in the hidden garden comes on.... i started thinking about the garden room, where jen is.... she's got a hot body. her face, not so much. i have got to stop talking and thinking about my fellow humans this way. after all, they are merely just reflections of myself... i need to treat myself with kindness and respect. anyways....

rainbow room, mental illness battle with allison again part 2, only this time i completely destroyed myself by saying "i've been told i have mental illness, but those doctors are full of shit, there's nothing wrong with me, then wait, why am i even here....shit. never mind."

sun room sitting next to sara 2 periods in a row with courtney. don't even remember what happened there. got a ride home on the van.

tuesday morning now, 7:01 am. Nov 22 2016. ate my last brick of kale at 2am.
Doing dishes, sweeping, cleanup, paying bills, cashing checks, etc...
See she woke up to eat.  She got back to bed?  
The best stories about MJ come from those that were close to him.
nike free o.g badlink://www.lmjracing.fr/cing.asp?AAA=678613
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well i guess its actually pretty close to 10/12/17 midnight, so thats 7 days now.
https://medium.com/personal-growth/21-behaviors-that-will-make-you-brilliant-at-creativity-relationships-c5bdb3d58a28

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